Snooping is the art of lurking (lmao) and lurking is the art of searching for information on someone from them without their knowledge (Swear I don’t know what scholar made that up or I just imagined it . Well you get the point)
My girls and I are like a group therapy that doesn’t end…literally!! So we had this talk on “good” and “bad” breakups some months ago. People often say “No we are good. It was a good breakup” . Sometimes they say “If I ever talk to A or B again…it will be in my next life”. Now that’s the type of thing you say after a bad breakup. Continue reading
I call it the UMS (Unhappily Married Syndrome). This is a disease that affects some married men. The best part is their wives rarely know they have it, but their side chicks who believe they are the cure to this illness know everything about it: from diagnosis, to symptoms, to prescriptions and what have you. Continue reading
“Being single is bad; very bad. For girls being single means you can’t find or keep a man or you are too picky. For the guys; being single means you have commitment issues or you are sexually reckless” – Society
Dear future wives,
We got a reply to our Dear Future Husband letter!!! How amazing is that!!? Y’all remember that right? Well if you don’t , please go back to my previous posts find it, read it and then come catch up! I got this in my mail, with no name and the email address sounds really weird. Am guessing whoever sent it meant to stay as anonymous as possible. Well, Mr Anonymous, I hear you!! And if you are reading this, just let me say you will be a great husband someday and I hope there are many more of your kind out there for my dear future wives.(hahahahha hmmm I am taking this “Future wife spokesperson” job very seriously ooo, Oya wuna pay me). That said, I really appreciate you for reading and taking time out from your travels (you will get what I mean by that when you read the letter) to write a response to the “Dear Future Husband” letter. God Bless your kind soul and grant you your every desire (Ayeeee I bad for cajole readers ooo) Keep reading and sharing! Thank you lots! Oya, future wives enjoy this letter from your dream future husband!
I hope this letter meets you well and by well I mean either in the comfort of his home zapping TV channels like a boss chick or in the “main Chick” seat of his car if he got one(only main chicks know that seat hahahahahaha). How are you? I bet you feel pretty confident about your relationship and all that. Well honey good for you. I don’t mean to burst your bubble or anything like that but i just want to clear up a few things for you. OK? Lets get started then.
So you are his madam abi? And you are sure of that because? He showed you off to all his friends and you all probably hang out together every time I guess. So that makes you pretty confident about your main chick position huh? Well if it makes you sleep at night, keep driving that fantasy bus. Since we are on the subject of his friends i will like you to know that if he has “duplicates”of you as in your co-main chicks (No, i don’t mean side chicks) they know them by face and name and non of them will ever breathe a word about it to you. Yea, If you didn’t know guys have this thing they honor more than their loyalty to females and its called the “guy code”. They will NEVER tell on their buddy. So while you are busy on the weekends in the kitchen sweating over a big pot of cornfufu because your man told you his friends are coming over for lunch, keep that in mind.
You do remember those classes back in your school days where you learned about different species or classes of things but then the teacher emphasizes on one as the MAIN ONE right? Well the same applies to you if you don’t drop that “main chick” name. (I know its a trendy name but I attach more meaning to it). The fact that you keep referring to yourself as the main chick just means that u acknowledge that in spite of all the other chicks he is doing the dirty with,you are OK with it as long as you are the main chick. So can you please tell me why you are always trying to unblock his phone, check his messages, stalk his Instagram page and walk on tipped toes while he is asleep just so you can snoop around his house? Of course he has side chicks. It’s thanks to them that you are the MAIN chick. There is no MAIN anything without subs or minors.
So here is how we will correct this issue. Say you are his girl, his only woman and his Queen. Let him know that. Carry yourself with such grandeur that he can’t help but realize that you are the limited edition of yourself. You are not the head of his girlfriend clan but you are the CLAN itself. If he can’t see that then boo boo trade that Joker card for the King card. You wouldn’t have to be the main chick to a king, you are his reigning queen. So enough of all that “I’m his airport crap. If he flies around he will return on my runway”. Well i have news for you, runways crack and wear out due to continuous usage so pick a better side. Be his airplane and let him reach greater heights with you, sounds better right? So you sleep good at night knowing that in cheap gossip people say “ooh he is sleeping with A but B is his main chick”. Really sister? Really? Now lets go get that crown and show him queening is in our DNA.
No, he is not going to wife you because you played “wife” during your mandate as main chick. There is no guarantee, no insurance so stop playing wife . If he doesn’t see you as wife material or as the right life partner for him no amount of wife role play will change that. So just enjoy your relationship, be you, stop pushing and don’t get too comfortable. However if you don’t see a future down the road and that is what you want, hand over your crown to the next Missy willing to take her chances with him and take that pretty head of yours to find a better crown. You deserve it. Let the side chicks brag about being the main chick. (Bet they do every time) We both know they don’t matter once you upgrade to queen because then they seize to exist or even better they become your handmaidens and serve you hahahahahaha.
Well, thought I’ll write you this letter in my capacity as a former main chick hihihihihi now queening is what I do and you should too. The world will be a better place with less B*****s, main chicks and side chicks just queens who will someday raise even better queens and why not kings. P.S. Always keep your chin up, lest your crown falls off. Love You!